a glimpse on my story


Way back in high school we had this creative writing subject. Our teacher asked us to make a journal. In that journal, we will be sharing our experiences, our daily activities as possible—only she will know every word we put in there. It is a requirement, and she’ll be gathering our journals every quarter end.

The day before the 1st quarter submission finally came. The thing is, my journal is still blank. Obviously, it was a mess, leaving only 2-3 sentences on each date. And as expected, she left a note--____, I know you did this hastily, I am expecting more from you.

The fact that I hate journal-writing made it hard for me to put my words together. I was pissed, and so I wrote..”I hate journal-writing..what do I get if I pour myself over a piece of paper?- a dying pen, tired hands..and should I trust my sentiments to someone who doesn’t even know me..”..I wrote as if my teacher was dumb. I know she’s expecting to read beautiful lines considering the fact I am one of the writers who made our school paper. And so she replied, “_________, don’t put your talent to waste, no one is forcing you to write, the drive must come from within..”

I know the teacher was disappointed that time. It’s this attitude that most people in the class never questioned. I am one of the class jokers but when I started to keep quiet no one dares to mess with me. I am not a trouble-maker though, you have 2 options-- either to understand me or leave me as I am, don’t ask, don’t push.

Now, the 3rd quarter came..I started to express myself in that journal—but in a pessimistic way. .all my pieces were so insensitive, I pointed some things I hate and the stupid things most of my classmates do. Those writings have no heart. So my teacher commented on my page, “(______), you’re such a pessimist, you seem to hate the world and everything about it..don’t expect them to feel the way you do, don’t expect them to be as hard as you.. you are individual persons, unique from each one..”

I smiled. I said to myself,-- what does this woman wanted to find in my journal? She doesn’t understand her own words..journal writing is for expression—may it be the light or the dark way..if this is what I feel at the moment, should I keep it inside me?..

On the 4th and final quarter, I decided to write not for my own sentiments..I made pieces pleasing to her eyes..I have no choice..i f I don’t , I’ll have a low remark..and that time, she was amazed and satisfied with my last pages. She put her last note, “ now, you know how it is to love and express your thoughts creatively, keep it up..(sweet advices follow)”..

The realization awaken my senses, sometimes we just have to keep with other standards and leave our own selves for safety reasons..in that instance, I made pieces hiding my dark side just to get a good remark, just to please my teacher..but the fact remains, she can’t change this student she had before..she’s one of the worst teachers I had.. she ‘s a teacher but not an educator.

NOT ALL THAT WE LEARN FROM OTHER PEOPLE WILL MOLD US TO BECOME BETTER PERSONS.
WE ARE WHO WE ARE. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO CHANGE US UNLESS WE PERMIT THEM TO.

10 comments:

Didz-W said...

so..how many journals you have produced since that school until now? hehe..i got dozen of journals let alone during my college years.

anyway, yes..you can't change yourself unless if you wanted to. writing supposed to be fun and to express what you felt or feel and I think your teacher didn't really care, maybe she was doing her job according to what the school board asked her to do. So she scored perfectly in doing so, and as for you, if she's the one who made you start writing journal and you still doing it now, then you should at least thank her for that too. :) have a nice day Thoppy!

beanizer_05 said...

haha..i dnt make journals..dt journal ws a requiremnt n her subjct.. i am olredi n2 writing b4 she made dt a requiremnt.. d fact dt she's 1 of our advisers in d skul paper(i was b4), made her xpect much frm me..i do write but i dnt lyk daily diaries..yet, m her studnt at dt point--i hv no choice bt 2 comply..grrrr.....

Jeremy said...

nice work my dear...

Didz-W said...

I get it...poetry is your thang?? hehe...

beanizer_05 said...

..not all poetry..i juz hate diaries, i mean d daily-- "dear journal, blah blah blah.."
..hai ditzy..

beanizer_05 said...

tnx jeremy..dear??hahaha..sweet mo pare

kyungmee said...

Hello there, beanizer_05. You have many blogs here with some interesting posts with humor. Well, I wish you the best & looking forward to following:)

beanizer_05 said...

hi kyungmee!..tnx 4 d coment and 4 following..
ur shots really amaze me..i ws supposed 2 ask u of ur nterst wd shadows, but iv found d ansr n 1 of ur coments, hehe..
..visit my oder lonely site 2 f u hv tym..

the hidden soul revealed said...

i wish u had not done the way teacher asked just 4 da sake of remarks............ it would be more pleasing if u had not lost ur originality...

beanizer_05 said...

yeah..t'was hard,bt i think i had no choice..i dnt wana dsapoint my parents showing dem a low remark on my report card..cnt let dt happen..it's ok..it ws fine..she ddnt manage 2 change me nywei..tnx 4 dropin :)